u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
