We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
