do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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