I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Randomize
