Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
