Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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