I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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