His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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