Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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