Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
