the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
