A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
i've created a new STD.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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