just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
