I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize