I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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