haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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