I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
