i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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