I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
