Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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