If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
She has the best kind of daddy issues
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
