will power is for people who don't want to get laid
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
We talked him into tasing himself.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
