is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
no you cant smoke seaweed
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Randomize
