highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I just gift wrapped bread.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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