I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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