Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
