I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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