That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
