Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
We left the knife in your bed.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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