im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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