I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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