Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
