you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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