Soap is not a condiment
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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