She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
