If i come over, it means nothing
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
