I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
