I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
