Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
