this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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