i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
