Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize