Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
