I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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