There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
