seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
