last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize