Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
