Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
