her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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