I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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