who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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