I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
