I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
