ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
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