I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
