dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
