I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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