so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
