do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
