I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
