my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
