walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
