Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
