Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
