yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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