you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
