I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
