do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
