I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
